Okay, so, those who know me really well... know that I am a worrier. My mom says I get this trait from my grandpa. I worry way too much and I can recognize that. The first 2 weeks I found out I was pregnant, I took a pregnancy test everyday. My excuse for Glenn was I had taken so many negative tests that whenever I saw that positive sign pop up, I got excited all over again. After 2 weeks and lots of money spent, Glenn told me I had to stop buying them. I still did, but I just started taking them every other day.
A good friend told me something she had heard at church one day while we were in the car. God wants us to put our complete trust in him. When we worry, it's almost like we are doubting His Plan for us. I remind myself of this everyday.
The whole reason I started this post was because today is our first official day, medicine free. I was told to stop taking my hormone supplements at 10 weeks. I've been so used to taking SOME kind of medicine since the beginning of March. It's scary to be medicine free. I worry that my body won't do what it's supposed to (although my fertility doctor AND OB assured me I'm good to go). I'm already so in love with my little Cooper. I've been praying for God to grant me peace of mind and of course to watch over all of us. I don't go back to the doctor till next Wednesday. My goal is to stop obsessing over something I can't control and put my trust and faith in God. :)
We did have our first official OB appointment this past week. Glenn and I were so excited although it did feel weird not having to go upstairs to visit my usual "friends." We did get to meet a lot of new people at the doctor. I felt like we went from one person to the next, all of them giving us a heads up of what to expect these next nine months. Our doctor was REALLY nice. I've been to this office before, but I requested a different doctor to see the first time.
We did get to see our sweet baby Cooper on an ultrasound. The picture was absolutely perfect. The ultrasound lady was so excited because he/she was in just the right position for this lovely picture. We even got to see him/her move his/her hands! Almost like Cooper was waving at us! We got to hear the heart beat again too.. sweet, sweet sound!!
Glenn has been off this weekend and we haven't really done much. I've started picking one thing to clean out/organize a day. We got rid of a lot of extra furniture we won't need from our extra bedroom. I had to go out today and get at least one pair of pants that would fit. Most of my dresses are all fine, but I wanted something different. We also went to Buy Buy Baby just to look. I can't wait till we get to actually purchase things (although I am guilty of buying a few outfits that can go either way). We can go at 16 weeks for an elective ultrasound to tell us if we're having a boy or girl. 16 weeks would be about the first week in July which works out great. I'd like to get the room mostly ready before I have to go back to work. I know how the beginning of a new school year is and I know for the first few months, you spend more time at school than work. I'm a worrier, but I am also a planner. ;)
Okay, I know it's been forever since I last updated. I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for awhile simply because it's really hard to keep a secret... especially one that is so huge. I apologize for all of those people I never responded to who kept asking me things these past 2 months. Glenn was ready to go public as soon as we found out -- me? Not so much! BUT, We ARE pregnant! We made it "Facebook Official" a couple weeks ago so now the whole world knows! :) I have NOT told my students yet, and I probably will not tell them until the very end of the year.
There is SO much I want to fill you guys in on... and I will. It may take a couple posts, but I am dying to share with you a story... a story that proves God always has a plan and he DOES work miracles.
Most of you know how difficult our journey has been to grow our family. It has been full of so many ups and downs. After our first attempt at IVF got cancelled, I hate to say that I began to really question God and what his plan was for us. It seemed like we had been dealt with so many disappointments and sometimes you have a hard time seeing beyond that. I have a wonderful support system of family and friends that really helped me get through those difficult weeks. For them, I am forever grateful.
My grandpa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in early March. He was diagnosed the same day we began our new cycle. It came as a major shock to all of us, especially my Mom. After sitting down and talking with her, we decided to continue on with our plan of starting IVF. Mom said Grandpa would NOT want us to put our lives on hold just because he was sick. So Glenn and I started with the shots, appointments every other day, bruised arms from taking so much blood. As we got more into our treatment, Grandpa continued to get sicker and sicker. By the time he came home, he was put into hospice care. Luckily he was able to be at his home, but it was very difficult to watch Grandpa go downhill so quickly. This was the same 90+ year old man who still drove to Cracker Barrel for lunch, mowed his grass, took my Nana to ALL her doctor's appointments... and now he slept most of the time and hardly ate.
Nana was unable to care for Grandpa so Mom decided to move in and do what she needed to. We would go visit every night. Most nights, after dinner, Grandpa would wake up and we'd be able to chat for a little bit. I remember going over the night before our egg retrieval. Mom had explained to both grandparents that Glenn and I were having troubles getting pregnant and we were seeing a doctor. She didn't get into too many details because it would be hard for them to comprehend. We were all in the back room -- Mom, me, and Glenn -- saying goodnight to Grandpa. I tried to explain to him that I was going in early the next morning for a small surgery to hopefully help us. Mom looked at him and said, "This is so I can become a grandma. Just like you and Nana." Talk about SOB moment. I kissed him goodnight and we left.
Early that next morning, Glenn and I went to the hospital for the first MAJOR part of our IVF. 3 days later, on a Tuesday, we went back for them to put in 2 beautiful looking embryos. I didn't get a chance to go visit my grandparents again until the next day. At this point, Mom told me it was only a matter of days before Grandpa passed away. Nights were spent consoling Nana, reminding Grandpa how much we loved him, and giving Mom some time to get out for a bit.
Fast forward a few days to that Saturday. I woke feeling weird. Honestly, I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I was meeting a friend for breakfast and I remember telling Glenn I felt so strange. He was half asleep, but mumbled, "Take some Tylenol." MMM, thanks Glenn. As the morning went by, and after I had some food in me, I started to feel a bit better. I was leaving the restaurant when I texted my mom that something just felt "off." She responded with 2 messages. The first one said something along of the lines of "That sounds promising." And the second message was, "Grandpa passed away this morning."
The next week was full of funeral preparations, making sure Nana was okay, and getting ready for family to come down. Looking back now, I feel certain that "weird" feeling was my little peanut implanting. I'm positive of it. And when Mom and I talked about it later, she said, "God has to take a life before he can give new life."
The funeral was set for that Friday mid-morningish. All along our IVF process, I was told I was at a high risk of overstimulating. Basically, that means your ovaries get really swollen and you start retaining water like crazy. There's not much they can do except monitor to you. If it gets REALLY bad, they can drain your tummy. I thought I was doing GREAT -- limiting my sodium and drinking TONS of water -- to avoid it.
Who wakes up Friday morning and suddenly has gained 5lbs (literally, overnight) and can barely roll over in bed because her tummy hurts so much? This girl. Of course I freak out... and call the doctor ASAP. They told me to come in right away. They did an ultrasound and sure enough, I've got fluid everywhere. My doctor AND the doctor who did our egg retrieval talked to us and both said, "Well, 99% of the time, this means your pregnant." The rise in HGC causes the overstim to worsen. I wasn't scheduled to come in for my first pregnancy test till that next week, but they went ahead and did it and told us they'd call later that morning. It took longer than we all expected, and we were an hour late for my grandpa's funeral.
10 minutes after the funeral ends, my doctor calls. We. Are. Pregnant. Now, let me tell you... Hearing those words you have longed to hear for the past 3 years is the most amazing feeling ever. Mom's crying, Jessie's crying, Glenn's crying, I'm crying... Then Mom decides to tell everyone else still around. Seeing Nana's face was absolutely priceless. It didn't lessen the fact that she had just lost her husband of 65 years, but it took her mind off the sadness for awhile.
I understand that not everyone believes in miracles, but I truly believe this miracle growing inside me is because of my sweet Grandpa and God working together. God's timing is perfect. After so much sadness, we have a new life to look forward to. And each doctor's appointment we have, and each milestone we meet, I leave, saying a quick prayer thanking God (and Grandpa). My Nana passed away a month after my Grandpa did. We knew it wouldn't be long. My faith in God has grown so much stronger these past few months and I find extreme comfort that I've got 2 guardian angels watching over us up in Heaven.
We want to thank all of you for your kind words, prayers, and encouragement. We had our first "OFFICIAL" OB appointment today. I was released from the Fertility Center 2 weeks ago. Everything looks beautiful. I am already completely, head over heels, in love. Christmas is going to come early for the Kellett and Sahms family this year. :)
